Tuesday, September 18, 2007

God's Wink!

9.18.07--An awesome spiritual day today--it was a glummy, rainy day--my schedule is busy--but seems easy compared to the past few weeks, and yet I was rather melancoly--our LID group was a beautiful place today. We're all struggling with teh possibility of a 4-year wait. AND today we all realized truly--TODAY is what is important--and if we focus on that--time will be well spent and simply fly by--I also actually verbalized my "God's Wink" theory. I felt a little silly doing so--but after I did it--it was rather freeing. The ladies of our group are so amazing. Strong, resiliant, smart, energetic, full of compssion and very honest with their hearts and their lives. I just love the spririt that lives there. It can even be fun and silly, and just plain make you smile, hopeful and scared at the same time. Thanks ladies--you're in my prayers and my thoughts daily. So...funny thing is--just as I share my never shared "God's Wink" theory--the most perfect little "God's Wink" happened. Here it is--hee, hee...silly me...lucky me..how ever you want to look at it...I'm ok...it's all mine....yee haw! Our LID is the 17th Day of July. I was working on a fund raiser--for an inner city youth
foundation project--I sent a file of bidder paddles--to the printer
(numbers 1-105)--(the same file I sent last year)--and funny thing
was--it was missing paddle number "17". No one noticed it last
year--just got the call this a.m. God's Wink! Right on! Cool huh!? I think so. Love you little one--I'm coming--and enjoying every minute of the journey. Good Bad and otherwise. If it is meant to be sweetie--it will BE! Love, Mom.

Dan's (Dad's) 50th Birthday Party!

Four-Year WAIT!!

9.18.07--the latest rumor is it will be a 4-year wait! At first hearing this rumor, my heart sank. But then I realized, if this truly is the plan God has for me, it will happen in His time not mine. So, hey—I’m ok giving up control of this one. Suddenly it was all ok. Maybe that’s blind faith, but it’s where we’re at right now.

Other families in our situation (essentially in line at the same time we are) are especially anxious with the 4-year rumer news. Understandably so. For me, this journey is a day-at-a-time. I’m sure it’s what God has planned for me, in that I should have the hope of bringing this little girl into our lives. That in itself is a gift. Merely the idea that it’s possible is more than we had just 9 months ago. And in a what may seem strange way, that’s a joy and a blessing. The end of this journey is a complete unknown. No matter how you look at it—China, it’s government, the availability of children, the 2008 Olympics, world politics and all the unknowns only point to more questions. So the only thing I know for sure is that God is in charge of this one. It was an act of faith to pursue this dream—and it is with faith that no matter the ending that I will be satisfied to have followed my heart.

All too deep for this early eh? Oh well—that’s where we’re at.

Lately—my mind has been on my book. I so want to carve out some time for that! Like adoption, this book is a life-long dream. It occurred to me recently, could it be, that this book might be one of the steps to achieving the bigger dream of adopting a child and finally having a family of my own? Hmmmm....seems that just might be. The only way to find out—is to get going on it. So--I must eh? :) the words of my dear-dear friend Mary Kay Shanley, nationally renowned author, words of advise, inspiration and support for this dream—are in my head like no others—and I am so grateful for that. She believes in my book concept--and that it is meant to be. She has given me the tools to get started--now I must pick up the tools and try my hand at using them in forging the path to this dream. See where it leads. It just might be the only thing i can actually CAN DO! :) So do it I MUST!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Thoughts on a Baby Shower, Names and CCAA Update!

9.5.07: It’s been a while since I posted, I’ve been straight out with studio business—principally a bridal planner that it very exciting, but was huge amounts of time and work. The next issue should be MUCH easier. I’ve been sick with allergies going crazy and it was so bad, it turned into an infection and swelled my face up to the point I looked like a monster! But I went to the doctor this morning—first opportunity I’ve had—got lots of drugs (which I hate to take—but it’s necessary—so I will) so I should be back to myself soon. There are several things I wanted to post.

We (yup—Dan went with me!) attended a baby shower for a dear friend a couple weekend ago—it was a couples shower, so both Dan and I could go together. Dan was less than excited about a baby shower—but frankly I don’t think he knew what to expect either—all in all it was a wonderful celebration and Dan’s sense of humor was the life of the party. I so love his sense of humor. The high point for me was, as I was sitting there watching the new Dad-to-be open gifts, I realized, this is the first time I’ve attended a baby shower that I could say--”this too will happen for me someday!” . It was a joyous, thrilling feeling. 47 years old and 100’s of baby showers later, I can actually attend a joyous event for a dear friend—and not feel that pang of sadness in the empty spot I had in my heart—where you my little one will be—not soon enough. It was rather like the luncheon with clients where they got to the part about “so Lisa, do you have kids?” and I could actually say “soon—very soon”. :) It was a wonderful day. My friend looked precious and beautiful in her 8 month of her pregnancy. She was so terribly sick the first 4 months—which they say is a sign of a healthy pregnancy—so it was great to see her glowing. They’ll name her Grace Elizabeth (after both their mom’s). So special. Welcome Grace Elizabeth—I can’t wait to meet you—someday you’ll play with our little one.

Speaking of names—the thought determining a name for you now, is a lot like buying “stuff” for you now, and doing the nursery now, for me you are very real, I even have a face—the sweet little face that awoke me from my sleep one beautiful night. But the name we’ll pick for you—escapes me. I like so many—but it has to be perfect. I like Aria, Camille, Zola, Isabella, Audrey, Obrei, Ava, Elle....they’re all sweet. But I would like your name to have more meaning then that I just like the name—maybe Juliette after my father’s mother or Nellie after my dear great, great, great Aunt Nellie, or Marcella after Dan’s (your Dad) grandmother. They are equally as beautiful. Or maybe the name given by those precious caregivers at your first home—will suit you just perfect! Ah..this too will have it’s time and place—in God’s time.

To Close—yesterday—CCAA released another update of the processed dates. Families have been matched with beautiful babies through November 25, 2005. Just 3 days of the line down in one months time. While I’m thrilled for those families that have been waiting just shy of two years—I was hoping for a bigger number of days down on the list. Only God knows the perfect timing—and I’m confident it will be as it should. I pray for patience and that I make the best use of the time I await your arrival. In my online July 07 LID group waiting mom’s are sharing similar feelings—we all struggle to hold on—to be patient and to support each other along this very long and VERY unpredictable journey. You too—my little girl—are on a long and unpredictable journey. My hope is you are surrounded by angels—that they whisper in your ear my wish for you in our lives, that they tell you how perfectly meant for us you are, that you will never question that, even though you will need to understand your past, that you are at peace, they you stay healthy and strong both physically and spiritually. That God holds you in the palm of his precious hand—and protects you from harm. We will see you soon. Love mom.